Wrote this about a guy I had to let go, but didn't want to
I worried about what could happen. I seem to always predict the endings...negatively.
Something said “run girl” then something said stay...
perhaps it was the way he kissed my neck or told me sweet things
Or the way we would stay up all night talking and laughing
Maybe it was the way he cared and acted like he wanted to be with me
Maybe it was....
He told me if I was tired he’d carry me
Never had anyone offer to carry me...
Even when he was mad, he never took it out on me. Although his calmness scared me
I enjoyed it.
But there were those walls, those boundaries I had set up and couldn’t let down
I like you to a limit, you can’t get through this wall..no matter how perfect this feels
I don’t need to feel loved that bad that I sacrifice my pride, my intellect
Can’t be dumb... so I run...like i always do
But its justified this time...I promise it is. I’m not going to hurt this time...not as bad
I hate this feeling...of forcing myself to let go. I didn’t think it’d be this hard...
Feels like a hole in my chest. Why does it feel like a hole in my chest???
He’s not a bad guy, but he’s not good for me...not now, maybe never
What’s the point of opening up to a person, letting them know personal details about you if they can’t even stick around to appreciate it??!!
It’s not fair...he said what’s fair in life Kelsey. Those words hit me hard.
Make it fair, I told him...I can’t do this anymore. Nobody thinks about my feelings
Don’t flip the argument...you can’t. I’m winning this one.
I want you though...dammit why can’t you see that?
Fuck you...ugh. Get out my face, let me go...when i tried to leave he held me down
Finally broke free. I thought it’d feel good, like fresh winds in your face, but no
This shit hurts...a lot. A lot, a lot. Wasn’t expecting this. But a few days will go by
We’ll get over it...I will...he will, but it’ll never be back to normal...and I’ll always wonder.
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