Im good, yeah im alright. You see my heart has been used, stepped on and burned over and over again so I have decided to put up a heavy guard. There is a thick armor around it now…no one, and I mean no one has been able to breach it. I hear em talking, they spit their slick game, but I know that a nigga is a nigga so I let that go in one ear and out the other cuz I have special eyes, I can see straight through em. He says “can we get to know each other better?” I hear “Can I Hit?” He says “You are so fine.” I hear “Man I just wanna Hit.” I can see through their poorly made disguises. Nope sorry u can't get near my heart. Its protected, I keep it safe now, its still healing from all the beatings its been through. What? Can u get my number…I don’t even know you, but please believe I know you. Why should I give you my number? So you can call me, make me like you, make you special to me, allow you to hold my heart so you can turn around and throw it away like it never meant anything to you and leave me once again in pain and sorrow…oh I think not. I know the game. So here I am, sure a bit lonely, but not heart broken. I’d much rather be lonely. I got my girls and little play boys I chill with but nothing serious. This is the way I like it. No feelings, no hurt.
But then…aww damn…what’s this. Who are you? You kinda caught me off guard. Hold on I’m not ready for you, I haven’t analyzed the situation. For some reason I can’t see through you, you seem to be for real. You’re different. You lack the stench that I smell on most niggas. Could you be…no but niggas are niggas, but yet, could you be what I want, what I’ve been missing?. I can’t let my guard down. Its been up for so long. It seems right and feels right, but if I let him in how will I know that I’m not just being fooled by his disguise and that he won’t hurt me like the others have. Follow my heart or my senses. But both my heart and senses are telling me the same thing, open up, let him in. Okay, I’m taking off the armor. I am going to reveal my long kept away heart. He holds it now, and very gently. He caresses it and keeps it warm. It feels so good in his hands. I feel free to express myself around him and let him get to know me. I tell him my secrets and he tells me his. He pulls me into a place that I have never been. Oh my God, what if I had kept up my guard, I would have missed this sweet time of blissfulness that we are now sharing. Almost feels too good to be true!
Aw damn…it is. He’s taking on nigga ways now. He stopped calling as much. Short sentences and I can somehow sense that he’s telling lies. All of a sudden I can see through him just as I had been able to do the rest of them. I see that he was wearing a disguise, he was just better at it than the rest. He left me. He’s with another now. She gets my hugs my kisses, and worst of all, my “I love You’s.” My heart is horribly crushed now. I don’t think it’s ever been this bad. He apologizes but says the love’s no longer there. I ask if we can try, he said he doesn’t want to. I tell him I love him, he turns and walks away. I can’t believe this. How could this have happened? I had been so careful with my heart, not letting it be easily taken and influenced. I slipped up…I just knew he was the one, Mr. Right. I was wrong! I’m a fool! I allowed myself to be played with once more. It hurts so bad. So I’m strapping back on my armor, this time doubling it. Never again will my heart be taken. Niggas aint shit. They are all the same. There are no more good ones left, and for you sistas who think there are and that you got one…your foolin yourself cuz he just tried to holla at me at the grocery store. Dogs, no worse the fleas on dogs. I don’t need companionship or love if all its going to lead to is this; so Im good, oh I’m fine now. Please believe I’m okay.
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